My History of Pain to Happiness

Desperation and despair clouded my memory and angered me to my most damaging extremities. My very first child was a miscarriage; I got upset, started throwing a tantrum and miscarried. I blamed myself for not taking the time to think of my body and baby first. This year would have been Lil baby’s 18th birthday; I tell people I have three children when in actuality I have three on earth and one in heaven whom I will see one day again. Today I celebrate seeing my children grow and blossom into fabulous, outgoing, smart individuals.

My grief started when my Grandfather passed away. I watched him take his final breath; this was not easy for a mere 14-year-old. Two years, later my grandmother, or (madear) as we called her, passed when I turned 16. Consequently another blow to my core. I remember at her funeral, all seven of her children kissed her on the cheek; as she lay in her casket. When my chance came to see her for the very last time, the usher came to escort me, and I froze like a stone. I didn’t want to see her in the casket; therefore I could not say goodbye. Believe it or not, her spirit often reminds me of “What a mistake I made?

Daddy passed from AIDS, given to him by blood transfusions of the late 1980’s. If anyone knows or has read the story of Ryan White out of Indiana, that’s somewhat my dad’s story. It all came to a head when I became involved with the father of all my children. People us as a hot, wired mess. He also suffered losses; complicated with drug use, drug dealing, infidelity on his part. We argued, blamed each other for our problems and then after years of a tumultuous relationship we called it quits. Today, we realize our mistakes and move on with mutual respect. Couples need to release the pain, love one another and build a life of happiness and strength to press forward on a positive tip.

Today is about happiness in all that I do because being upset or in pain never helps. I am not mad at anybody; I try to avoid conflict or bad influences. I mean I am not Positive Princess every day, I have my days of shouting, throwing tantrums and being sad, but I take every down day, think of a way to turn it into good, then get back to life; a life filled with persistence and strength. I have fun, private times with friends, aside from red carpet events or outings, I enjoy walks in the park, movies, sporting events, shopping, reading, and listening to all types of music. One song that helps me is by Anita Baker and the Winans, called “Aint No Need,”  click the link to take a look, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75LGSzYnpEY  at my suggestions to press forward.  “Press forward with peace.”

#MinorityMentalHealth

 

 

 

 

 

Temperment of Time

I relax in knowing what I can achieve by owning my spiritual truth, see my life goes in and out of balance. Movement displaces my thoughts, the agony of defeat I try to resist, the depths that reach the cluttered, noisy slice of time are annoyances. I stare down the different ground below my feet as if I am standing on a tumbleweed, prancing back and forth. I am in transition, feeling like everything I fear is next to me. My stomach is in knots, I ask myself, “How to pray will help me endure?’

Then in a tailspin, I know my restlessness begins as a result of putting pride aside. My mind tells me to believe; these disastrous endeavors cannot destroy the fabric of my soul. It’s time to exercise my brain and speak with dire sense and sensibility. Enchantment tales, so intense in my thoughts are more profound because the elastic of my bodies’ soul and follicles remain intact. Consequently, my heart embraces excellent and valuable information.

What do I believe? A higher power or myself. I think of the higher power within me. Life can be limitless, so perpetuate the power of positivity. Therefore, feel the room, now fill the room with enriching devices, leave yourself little notes telling about how great you are. Second of all, take advice from people who are useful to you, begin to laugh out loud and when asked, just state in a beautiful diction, “I am happy.”

My temperament cannot take the time

***Sometimes I love to end blogs with names of songs because music to me brings depth because I love music***

 

 

“Happy” by Pharrell Williams

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