Desperation and despair clouded my memory and angered me to my most damaging extremities. My very first child was a miscarriage; I got upset, started throwing a tantrum and miscarried. I blamed myself for not taking the time to think of my body and baby first. This year would have been Lil baby’s 18th birthday; I tell people I have three children when in actuality I have three on earth and one in heaven whom I will see again one day. Today I celebrate seeing my children grow and blossom into fabulous, outgoing, smart individuals.
My grief started when my Grandfather passed away and me watching him take his final breath, this was not easy for a mere 14-year-old, then Madear (grandma) passed when I turned 16, this was another blow to my core, at her funeral, all seven of her children kissed her on the cheek, when my chance came to see her for the very last time, the usher came to escort me, I sat there like a stone and told the usher, I didn’t want to see her in the casket; believe it or not, she has been with me to remind me of “What a mistake I made?’ Nothing haunts me but I am comfortable that they are still in my heart. Then daddy passed from AIDS, given to him through blood transfusions of the late 1980’s. It all came to a head when I became involved with the father of all my children. We were a hot, wired mess. He also never got over the loss of his father and best friend, on top of drug use, drug dealing, and infidelity on his part. We argued, blamed each other for our problems and then after years of a tumultuous relationship we called it quits. Today, we realize our mistakes and move on with mutual respect. Please, couples do me a favor and forget the pain, love one another and build a life of happiness and strength to press forward on a positive tip.
Today the life I live is about happiness in all that I do because being upset or in pain never helps. I am not mad at anybody, I try to avoid conflict or bad influences. I mean I am not Positive Princess every day, I have my days of shouting, throwing tantrums and being sad, but I take every down day, think of a way to turn it into good, then get back to life; a life filled with persistence and strength. I have fun, private times with friends, aside from red carpet events or outings, I enjoy walks in the park, movies, sporting events, shopping, reading, and listening to all types of music. One song that comes to mind is by Anita Baker and the Winans, called “Aint No Need”, YouTube this song title and know that this is one of my suggestions. “Press forward with peace”
The month of July is National Minority Mental Health Month #MinorityMentalHealth